Maria Shriver

When Your Loved One Needs Help

By Scott Eckstein

Do you believe your elderly loved one is letting you know all that ails them? As someone with professional experience in senior care, I know they quite often do not. I have seen it time and time again. When asked to take a more active role in the care of my grandparents, I decided to stay with them for a little while to find out what the real situation was. I knew my active participation would be necessary, but even I was a little surprised at what I discovered.

It is not always feasible, practical, or desirable to stay with your loved one for any extended period of time. Though, the only way to resolve any issue with your senior is to get personally involved. Keep in mind, there is usually a relative that will not think there is a problem, but if you suspect one, you need to stand up for your beliefs and do what you think is right. One fear that adult caregivers have is that "opening a can of worms" may lead to other problems, or the loved one - or even another relative - will be angry at them. In my experience, if you ignore issues, small problems can turn into big problems. Inaction is as good as waiting for an accident to happen. Don’t kid yourself; some tragic episode may eventually take place. It’s just a matter of time.

If you feel that your loved one won't let you know what is going on with them, here are some things you can do:

1. Try the direct approach. Attempt a heart-to-heart talk with them. Sometimes, just the idea of lying to the face of a son or daughter is too much for someone to bear.

2. Spend extended time with your loved one. An old-fashioned sleepover can reveal a lot of information. When I stayed with my grandparents, I became aware of things that needed to be addressed immediately, but that other family members did not believe.

3. Consider a remote wellness monitoring system. I have moved into this area of the industry because I believe it is the next step in providing a higher standard of care in the home, assisted living and other segments of long-term care continuum. Remote wellness monitoring systems record a person’s health and wellness indicators, such as sleep quality and bathroom usage as well as the trends of these indicators.

4. Employ an objective geriatric care manager or one of your loved one’s own health professionals. Sometimes an outside professional can draw out what is really going on with your loved one. They know where to look, what questions to ask and can be more objective.

5. Visit your loved one more often. Have other family members and friends visit them more frequently. Someone may eventually observe whatever issues are creating the problems.

6. Make connections. Write letters. Call often. Send picture and care packages. Arrange animal visits. Play music for them. Read out loud together. These connections will help them understand that you care and are there for them.

Remember, our seniors easily become isolated. They are also experiencing constant loss. They’re losing their hearing, their taste buds, their eyesight, their friends, their independence -- the list goes on and on and on. Their pride is fragile and it is very easy for them to become depressed.

Stay connected. Your loved one will appreciate it, you both will get a lot out of it, and hopefully, a dialogue about what is really going on in their life will be started and continue.

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better."
— Maya Angelou

Check on someone you care about today.

When Your Loved One Needs Help is the first of a four-part series by Scott Eckstein.

For over 20 years, guided by a personal passion, Scott Eckstein has devoted his career to improving the lives of seniors. From development to day-to-day operations of senior communities to the use of technology in caregiving, Scott helps countless businesses, seniors and their families navigate the maze of senior care and living options. He is currently Director of Business Development for WellAWARE Systems.