Maria Shriver

8 Tips to Combat Caregiver Burnout

By Scott Eckstein

Caregiver burnout is real. I have seen many iterations of it. When I was an Executive Director in an assisted living community, I had many adult daughters walk in my office and breakdown in tears. We chatted for hours and I learned the ins and outs of the lives of these severely stressed-out caregivers. I had many people visit me frequently just to chat because they didn’t want to burden their family members, show any weakness or give another sibling an inkling that they could not handle caring for their loved one.

One woman placed her mother in a senior community, hired a caregiver to look in on her and then moved out of town so she could more easily distance herself from the stress of the day-to-day care of her mother. Is this story one of caregiver burnout? Yes. Is it also borderline elder abuse? In my opinion, yes. The saving grace is, in this instance, the mom was out of danger of what could occur when caregiver burnout goes unaddressed. However, the bottom line is her family essentially abandoned her.

Whether the stress of taking care of someone comes from the physical or emotional caregiving experience, or the shear guilt of not wanting to be responsible, but knowing it needs to be done, it can take a real toll on the body, mind and relationships that are linked to the “care-ee”, the senior. Many caregivers feel they, “Didn’t sign up for this.”

Let's not forget the financial strain either. Caregiving at home, whether you are doing it yourself or hiring and managing an in-home caregiver is time consuming and expensive. Caring for a loved one at home tends to cost more than living in a senior care community. The AARP just reported that the cost of caregiving at home, by unpaid caregivers, has reached $450 billion. That’s more than Walmart’s sales in 2009.

If you find that you are not sleeping well, getting into more arguments than usual, having feelings of hopelessness and/or thoughts of hurting yourself or the person you are caring for - STOP AND THINK! You probably have people close to you telling you to slow down and get help. You absolutely need to consider the possibility you are burning out.

Withdrawal from your social network and other forms of isolation from family and friends is another indicator of caregiver burnout.  Have you seen your friends in a while? Have you increased, or begun to use, any drugs or alcohol? Have your eating patterns changed? Has your work production gone down?

Are you overreacting to little things -- or are some people telling you that you are? You may also feel like a failure for not being able to meet the care needs of your loved one, but honestly, no one can alone. In trying to meet all care needs, when those needs become substantial, something has to give. Here are some things you can do to combat caregiver burnout:

1. Find a support group or network. You may be surprised how many are out there and how many people are in the same boat as you. Attend some meetings to receive feedback and learn coping strategies. Find the meeting that is a fit for you. Openly share your feelings and experiences with others.
2. Strongly consider speaking with someone you trust. Bottling all your tension up can lead to angry outbursts. It’s always good to hear things from an outside perspective, especially from someone not directly involved in your situation.
3. See your doctor or another professional to explore the burnout issues that are impacting you specifically.
4. If possible, vary the caregiving responsibilities. Rotate/share responsibilities with family members -- demand it! It’s really okay to ask for help. You have to accept the fact that you cannot do everything yourself, otherwise you’ll end up being the one that needs to be cared for.
5. Put time into taking care of yourself emotionally and physically. Be sure to get enough sleep, maintain a healthy diet and get some sort of exercise each day.
6. Make room for “Quiet" or "Me Time". Meditate, get a massage, see a movie -- whatever does it for you.  Just do it!
7. Stay involved in hobbies or other outside interests. All work and no play...you’ve heard it. It applies to caregiving too.
8. Acknowledge caregiving is filled with stress and anxiety. Understand the potential for burnout. As a caregiver, you need to be on-guard against succumbing to burnout. It may be cliché, but it cannot be said often enough: “The best way to be an effective caregiver is to care for the caregiver.”

Finally, make sure you understand your loved one’s condition. The more you know about the illness, the more effective you will be better able to care for them and know what it will take to provide the care correctly and not destructively. Be open to all options. Never say never.

"It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it." - Lena Horne

Check on someone you care about today.

For over 20 years, guided by a personal passion, Scott Eckstein has devoted his career to improving the lives of seniors. From development to day-to-day operations of senior communities to the use of technology in caregiving, Scott helps countless businesses, seniors and their families navigate the maze of senior care and living options. He is currently Director of Business Development for WellAWARE Systems.