Maria Shriver

The Simple Equation for Success & Self Confidence

By Kathy Korman Frey

After years of achieving 200 percent self-confidence gains among university women, you might wonder: What’s the big deal about self confidence? I mean, sure everyone talks about self-confidence. But what is really the actual importance of it? Here is the answer. Moms, daughters, sisters, dads, cool brothers, uncles, listen up:

It’s ALL about confidence for girls and women.

Our entire lives and professions are guided on our perceptions about our abilities versus our actual abilities.

EXAMPLE: Theresa and Tom can both go to Stanford and graduate with engineering degrees. But studies show that Theresa will feel deficient or “lesser than” Tom.
The following is a three step exercise I use in my classes and my seminars designed to measurably increase the confidence of women and girls:

The Sisterhood of Success Equation

#1 Grip – First, you must get a grip.

• Women are busy. As discussed in my last post, women have the most opportunities, and the most responsibilities, than at any point in modern history. This is why the topic of work-life balance dominates the media.
• To do: Create a half –hour per day by combining and/or having “reality checks” with current activities. You need this time for steps 2 and 3.
• Inside scoop: A little tough love is needed here. Think you can’t find half an hour? Think again. Use the scrubby bubbles on your calendar.

#2 GOAL

• You’ve just gotten a piece of your dream back. You’ve just created some time on your plate for you. Goody. This is especially helpful for “the givers.” You know who you are… you who cancel your mammogram and take your kid to the doctor for a cold. You will tell a friend how great she is, but beat yourself up relentlessly. So, now it’s time to give to yourself. In this step we focus on YOU and a goal of yours! GOAL is step number two.
• To do: Identify a big personal or professional goal or challenge. NEXT, think about five areas in which you need to “get smart” to move closer to accomplishing the goal or tackling the challenge.
• Tip: If you’re wondering “is this a good goal or challenge” you should be able to answer “yes” to the following question: “Will I be proud of myself if I accomplish this goal or make a dent in this challenge?”

#3: GET

• Got friends?  Mentorship correlates to success. Also, there is literally no research out there to show going at it alone is beneficial in ANY way, AT ALL. But we do it all the time. We isolate ourselves. We tell ourselves it is because we “should do this or that.” What are we doing? We need to get old school and talk to people! Time to bring the neighbor a cup of sugar. It will make you more successful, and happier. Yes, data actually shows this. This is the GET stage of the equation where you’ll establish five supportive relationships around your goal.
• To do: Seek out mentors or experts in each of your five areas established in #2 GOAL. Set up a meeting or coffee with a mentor/expert in each area to bring you closer to reaching your goal. Let them know you have identified them as an expert. People don’t like, “Oh, could you meet for coffee?” It’s wishy washy. Be specific and give a time window. If they don’t bite, move onto another. Don’t be shy, this is your future. You’re investing in yourself.

If done correctly, these steps will measurably increase your confidence.

Kathy Korman Frey is the founder of HotMommasProject.org, the world’s largest women’s case study library. The Hot Mommas Project combines digital role models around the world with teaching tools to increase confidence up to 200 percent. Frey is an Entrepreneur in Residence and adjunct professor at the George Washington University School of Business where she teaches the nationally award winning “Women’s Entrepreneurial Leadership.” Learn more.