Maria Shriver

Senior Driving and the Car Key Dilemma

By Scott Eckstein

One thing that occurs during the holidays is we tend to spend more time with the seniors in our family. Some of the things we thought we saw during the year come closer to the surface and may need to be discussed with our siblings in earnest.

My own family just dealt with our concerns regarding my grandfather's driving and the need to get him off the road. When all was said and done, everyone’s needs were ultimately met. We were fortunate to stop my grandfather from driving in a smooth, essentially low-stress manner.

It is certainly not an easy topic to take on, either with family members or the senior themselves. There are always differing opinions relative to severity and importance, and some family members as well as the senior can respond with responsibility shirking and straight up denial.

The National Institutes of Health has an Older Drivers AgePage. I have paraphrased some of their points as things to look out for in a older driver who may need to be off the road:

• Do other drivers often honk at them?
• Have they had some accidents, even if they are only "fender benders"?
• Do they get lost, even on roads they are familiar with?
• Do cars or people walking seem to appear out of nowhere for them?
• Have family, friends, or their doctor said they are worried about their driving?
• Are they driving less because they are not as sure about their driving as they used to be?
• Do they have trouble staying in their lane?
• Do they have trouble moving their foot between the gas and the brake pedals, or do they confuse the two?

During my time in senior care, I have seen a myriad of situations and responses to the issue of senior driving when it has become an issue of life or death. Some efforts are direct, others...not so much! Each family has to do what makes the most sense for them. When dementia is involved, not only is it more urgent to address the car key dilemma, but it is a more complicated and tricky matter.

It is important to keep in mind that sometimes there is a treatable medical condition that is causing poor driving. Things like:

• visual declining;
• hearing loss;
• reduced mobility and/or flexibility;
• chronic health issues like arthritis, Parkinson’s, sleep disorders, heart disease or diabetes;
• medication issues such as increased or changed medications or medication interactions; and
• dementia or brain impairments. Temporary dementia can be caused by something like a urinary tract infection, which is treatable. Other dementias are not curable at this time.

Everybody’s situation is unique, but typically my first suggestion is to have a conversation with others in the family, to see where everyone else is in their thinking. It is helpful to see if some consensus can be achieved.

There should be a plan in place when the next conversation happens with the loved one. I firmly believe in a direct and honest talk if at all possible. Someone will likely end up being the “bad guy”. That is common and okay. What you take away from that conversation, combined with what you know and have observed, will give you a better idea on what needs to be done next.

Sometimes, just figuring out an alternative transportation method is enough to ease the transition for a senior that needs to stop driving themselves. Taxis, buses, friends, and senior “Access” vans are possible options and usually less expensive than car ownership, maintenance and fuel.

When having “the conversation”, it’s always important to:

• Be compassionate. Imagine when it’s someones turn to have the conversation with you;
• Do not speak to or treat your elders like children. Approach the chat more as a peer to peer conversation;
• Provide options and solutions to meet the senior's needs, whether those needs are real or perceived; and
• Be prepared for the senior to be in denial, and remember to remain calm.

Success often depends on the senior's level of cognition and sheer commitment to driving. If you have tried the direct conversation route, and the senior still refuses to stop driving, you may just have to try to prevent his or her access to their car.

There are some “other” options I have seen be successful:

• Send the car in for service...for an extended period of time. The hope is that accommodations made to life without the car become permanent;
• Hide the car keys;
• Move the car out of sight;
• Switch out the seniors keys for a set that will not actually start the car;
• Disable the car;
• Have a friend in need “borrow” the car; and
• Sell the car.

These ideas may seem simple, but sometimes it’s just a matter of a senior “saving face” that helps the process go more smoothly. There are other “last resort” efforts that involve escalating the seriousness of the intervention. Some consider contacting the Department of Motor Vehicles one of the most significant “last resort” options with the largest “guilt factor”.

Each state has its own Department of Motor Vehicles. Contact the DMV for the state your senior lives in to find out how to file an unsafe driver report as the rules vary from state to state. In California, for instance, you can’t file the report anonymously, but your name is not supposed to be released to the public.

After receiving a complaint, the DMV will contact the driver and request an evaluation. Usually a driving test is required. Depending on the findings, the senior’s license could be restricted or revoked if concerns are found.

Some states keep the identity of the person who files the report confidential; others do not. Even if your state doesn't, isn’t it better to have an angry senior or family member than an injured (or worse) one? The same goes for bystanders.

This process is not easy by any stretch of the imagination. Be flexible and be creative. Take deep breaths, and do what you feel is best for your situation.

Bad is never good until worse happens.
~Danish Proverb

Check on someone you care about today.

Follow Scott Eckstein's journey...read his past blogs here.

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For over 20 years, guided by a personal passion, Scott Eckstein has devoted his career to improving the lives of seniors. From development to day-to-day operations of senior communities to the use of technology in caregiving, Scott helps countless businesses, seniors and their families navigate the maze of senior care and living options.